What I’ve Done — and What I Can Do for You.
As you can see from these samples, I’ve never shied away from a marketing or promotion challenge as a copywriter.
I’ve worked on projects ranging from writing a single word (a name for a restaurant) to writing tens of thousands of words (computer game documentation). My business writing capabilities have covered all aspects of marketing communications and media. So I’m as comfortable writing a print ad as I am revamping an entire Web site.
Along the copywriting trail, I’ve learned about “nested do-whiles,” “double volutes,” and “real-time PCR.” I’ve watched 7-year-olds tear dolls apart. I’ve sung jingles at 20th Century Fox. I’ve put words into the mug of an NFL Hall of Fame coach. I’ve witnessed the birth of online marketing, email blasts, and SEO. And I’ve enjoyed everything immensely.
(Click on any thumbnail image to enlarge and read the headline and copy.)
"Take advantage of a multi-trillion dollar market opportunity— one card at a time."
(VISA)
"Refined Power is the Ultimate Luxury."
(McIntosh)
"Ten years and 20 billion dollars ago, we started our business from scratch."
(California Lottery)
"How to kill ticks."
(Sun)
"This could be the only contest that rewards you for slicing at a country club."
(Sunkist)
"The Bigger.
The Better."
(Sun)
"There's only one place where IT skills are in demand."
(Cisco)
"Your viral load has dropped to a level so low it's undetectable.
So why could this be bad news?"
(Roche)
"There's only one sure way to catch gonorrhea and chlamydia.
Over and over and over again."
(Roche)
"Improving simulation and treatment—and the lives they touch."
(Siemens)
"Is your old phone system hanging up your district?
Then you need a direct line."
(Cisco)
"Imagine The Possibilities For 21st Century Higher Education.
Now Imagine A Way To Actually Achieve Them."
(Cisco)
"To Transform Education, You Need A Vision.
To Achieve The Vision, You Need A Plan."
(Cisco)
"Do you have what it takes to beat the pants off millions of game players in real time?
You do now."
(Mplayer)
"It’s never been easier to pull eCommerce and eCRM together."
(Rauxa)
"Without personal interaction, guess where most web transactions go?"
(Rauxa)
"Technology Funds for Your School or Library are Everywhere...
You Just Have To Know How To Find Them."
(Cisco)
"Insulate your wallet."
(PG&E)
"Warm home. Cold cash.
Build one, we'll give you the other."
(PG&E)
"We'd like a word with you."
(Altos)
"We'd like a few words with you."
(Altos)
"We'd like you to have the last word."
(Altos)
"When are the two best times to test patients for HCV?
Early. And often."
(Roche)
"From zero to e in zero time."
(Aspect)
"How to say "Happy Birthday" millions of times with
just one card."
(Hallmark)
"Party Like it's 1799."
(Hornsby's)
"After three generations here
in Sonoma...
...our work is bearing fruit."
(Gallo)
"Give your grad the one thing they want most.
Everything."
(Hallmark/Visa)
"Fresh.... Toasty"
(Quiznos)
"Now
the shortest distance between these points is a direct line."
(Cisco)
"Top Speed: 1563 mph
"Yawn."
(iSpeed)
"Top Speed: 223 mph
"Whatever."
(iSpeed)
"Top Speed: 67 mph
"Slowpoke."
(iSpeed)
"Salt away 15c."
(Lindsay)
"Saving for healthcare expenses just got a lot less taxing."
(Visa)
[back]
(Lindsay)
"Real Bread"
(PANoRAMA Bread)
"Grossmont Union High School District: Taking secure measures in the wake of tragedy"
(Cisco)
"Birdville ISD: Creating an infrastructure for change—and a partnership for success."
(Cisco)
(Ruckus Wireless)
(Cisco)
(Olive Software)
(Walsh Wireless)
(Cisco)
(Meridian Vineyards)
(Sony Computer Entertainment)
MLB '99
(Sony Computer Entertainment)
NBA Shoot Out '98
"Take Profits. Not Risks."
(InsureZone)
"Sell Risk. Risk Less."
(InsureZone)
"FDA. PDQ."
(Convergent Bioscience)
"The National Inquisitor"
(Lucasfilm)
"Their Finest Hour:
The Battle of Britain"
"Star Wars: Rogue Squadron"
"Secret Weapons of the Luftwaffe"
"Star Wars: Episode 1 Racer"
"Where in the U.S.A. is Carmen Sandiego?"
"Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?"
"We've been crossing state lines since before there were states."
(Wells Fargo)
"Believe it or not, this could be the fastest way to bank between Seattle and San Antonio."
(Wells Fargo)
"Most other banks would find this territory difficult to cross."
(Wells Fargo)
"The concept of fast internet banking is nothing new to us."
(Wells Fargo)
"Our roots are in the sky"
(Rockwell International)
[front]
"network chaos multi-vendor incompatibility"
[back]
"inaccessible information conflicting protocols differing platforms isolated networks limited scalability ends here.
and as for run-on sentences, we're working on them"
(Sun)
"Disk Drive" (:60) (Verbatim)
read script
“DISK DRIVE” (:30)
(Verbatim Floppy Disks)
(To the tune of “Rawhide”)
SINGER: Loadin’, loadin’, loadin’,
Keep them diskies rollin’.
Loadin’, loadin’, loadin’,
Disk drive.
Round ’em up,
Drive ’em in,
Round ’em up,
Drive ’em in,
Disk drive….yaah!
SFX: (Whip cracking)
ANN’R: Yep, we¹re driving a dozen disks into every 10-pack. It¹s the great Verbatim disk drive. You get two extra disks for free. These ain¹t no tinhorn floppy disks, either, they¹re the world¹s best sellin¹ brand, Verbatim. Now this drive only lasts for a short spell, so look for Verbatim DataLife floppy disks in specially-branded boxes. And round up a few for yourself.
SINGER: Round ’em up,
Drive ’em in,
Round ’em up,
Drive ’em in,
Disk drive….yaah!
SFX: (Whip cracking)
"Bravest Man In Texas" (:60) (Chevron/Gulf Oil)
read script
“BRAVEST MAN IN TEXAS” (:30)
(Chevron/Gulf Oil)
MAN #1: So you’re the bravest man in Texas.
MAN #2: That’s right!
MAN #1: You’re not afraid of a tornado…
MAN #2: Don’t scare me.
MAN #1: …Or a hurricane…
MAN #2: Don’t scare me.
MAN #1: …Or even…a tidal wave!
MAN #2: Don’t scare me!!! Whoo! Wait a minute…there’s no tidal wave here in Houston.
MAN #1: There is now. That’s why folks around here are going to Gulf.
MAN #2: Now why would anyone go to the Gulf to get away from a tidal wave?
MAN #1: No, they’re going to Gulf service stations to get a fill-up. Because with every eight gallon purchase of Gulf gasoline, they’ll get a coupon worth five dollars off the admission price any Sunday at AstroWorld. Then they can ride the wildest, wettest, most exciting ride of them all…the Tidal Wave.
MAN #2: All b…b…by themselves?
MAN #1: No. Each coupon is good for up to six admissions, so they can round up five other brave folks, and they’ll each save five dollars off the regular one-day admission. Why don’t you go to a Gulf station and get your AstroWorld coupon?
MAN #2: Well, think I won’t?
MAN #1: And then see if you’re still the bravest man in Texas.
MAN #2: Well, heck, that’s easy! I’m not afraid of a coupon! Paper cuts don’t scare me, fella!
"Psychic" (:60) (Pacific Bell)
read script
“PSYCHIC” (:60)
(Pacific Bell)
CHRIS
EIGEMAN: Hello, this is your Pacific Bell spokesperson. I’m at the home, er, office of Madame Odessa, the, quote, Spiritual Consultant to the Stars.
MADAME
ODESSA: That’s me, honey.
CHRIS
EIGEMAN: We’re trying to decide who’s best at telling who’s calling, Caller ID from Pacific Bell, or Madame Odessa.
MADAME
ODESSA: That’ll be ten dollars a question, sonny.
CHRIS
EIGEMAN: Oh, pardon me.
SFX: (Money crinkling)
CHRIS
EIGEMAN: Here’s my question. When your telephone rings, can you actually tell who’s calling before you pick it up?
MADAME
ODESSA: Of course!
SFX: (Phone rings)
CHRIS
EIGEMAN: And who’s calling you now?
MADAME
ODESSA: That’ll be another ten dollars.
CHRIS
EIGEMAN: Oh.
SFX: (Money crinkling)
MADAME
ODESSA: I’m feeling…it’s my Uncle Johnny from Cleveland. Hello?
CHRIS
EIGEMAN: Rather than hiring a personal psychic, busy, successful people can tell who’s calling simply by subscribing to Caller ID from Pacific Bell.
ANN’R: With Caller ID, the number of the incoming call appears on a screen after the first ring. So you can decide which calls to answer now and which to call back later.
CHRIS
EIGEMAN: And how is your Uncle Johnny?
MADAME
ODESSA: Oh, he’s fine. That’ll be another ten dollars.
SFX: (Money crinkling)
ANN’R: Just call 1-800-983-9050 to subscribe. Caller ID, part of the Pacific Bell network. How will you use it?
"Psychiatrist" (:30) (Taco Bell)
read script
“PSYCHIATRIST” (:30)
(Taco Bell)
SINGER: Betty went to the doctor,
She was feelin’ kinda tense,
She said "I want it all, Doc
For 59 cents.
“I want a taste that’s hot,
A taste that’s cold.
Crispy, crunchy, soft and juicy,
Zesty and bold.”
Her mouth wanted everything
For just 59.
She asked the Doc,
“Am I out of my mind?”
The doctor said…
LITTLE
RICHARD:
“Betty, Betty,
Better follow doctor’s orders.
There’s only one cure,
Make a run for the Border.”